Thursday, July 29, 2010

Take 2 Xanax and Read "Get Rich Cheating"

Dear Reader: Many of you may be unaware that I have spent many and hour in the dark, dank, soft underbelly of the comedy trenches, working out my angst which is not to be confused with creating a comedy act. Anywho, herewith is a review of a friends' book, which I couldn't help but laden with sarcasm. I hope you enjoy it, it was originally posted here: Miami Comedy Examiner.

Ever wonder what it’s like inside the mind of a genius? Well, now you can take a peek without even getting your Top-Siders wet. In fact, you don’t need feet at all, just opposable thumbs --- totally optional --- in order to read Jeff Kreisler’s debut book, “Get Rich Cheating.”

Jeff Kreisler's writing pleases himselfKreisler’s premise is simple: “…the goal of life is to make money; the means don’t matter.” The author argues that hard work is for chumps and that “economic mobility is more myth than reality.” Therefore, the smart economic actor will break every rule, take every shortcut, swindle every grandmother and rip-off every lemonade stand, not to mention ford every stream, Maria.

What a breath of fresh air. Thank Nietzsche, somebody finally said it. Take that, Joe “the Plumber,” and your little dream too!

Reading "Get Rich Cheating" assures that you will spend several very profitable hours exploring the rain forest of Kreisler's mind: wandering under the opaque canopy, marveling at the lush vegetation, grilling the exotic fauna and drinking from the effluent of his very fertile mind.

Lesser mortals (with relatively puny intellects) might argue weakly that America’s historic economic success required self-restraint based on individual conscience and objective morality grounded in the Judeo-Christian ethos. Kreisler eschews such quaint notions as woefully naïve and hopelessly outdated or is it vice-versa?

Kreisler writes in a breezy style like an F-5 tornado. As an author, Kreisler is like Mo from the Three Stooges to your Curly: he reaches out, slaps your face, tickles your chin, grabs you by the ear and gives you a wedgie.

"Get Rich Cheating" provides scads of examples which are assiduously researched and by assiduous I mean that he fishes in the deep streams of cynicism from the darkness of the Internet serving up only the most outrageous detritus that supports his premise. In many ways, it is masterful piece of legal writing.

Rush Limbaugh has said that “the world is governed by the aggressive use of force” and Kreisler proves that here by aggressively bending every incidence of human malfeasance to support his argument. Rush Limbaugh is a piker compared to Kreisler. Kreisler is what Rush Limbaugh wishes he could be.

“Get Rich Cheating” is not just a book, it’s a truncheon, and an oddly phallic one, which Kreisler swings as he parades down the avenues of American hypocrisy like a lobotomized Holden Caufield and by lobotimized, I mean freed from all personal morality.

“Get Rich Cheating” is enormously stimulating the same way a year and a half in lockup with an ex-linebacker convicted of sexual assault would be stimulating. “Get Rich Cheating” is also wildly insulting, in the most endearing way. What's more, Get Rich Cheating is oddly satisfying, like a beat down by a beautiful, leather-clad dominatrix. How many ways may I liken thee?

If the nitrogen-rich content isn’t enough to convince you to buy “Get Rich Cheating,” consider this: Kreisler is an over-achiever’s wet-dream. Kreisler went to Exeter, Princeton and the University of Virginia Law School, he also wrote for Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 and is Executive Director of the parody, My Wall Street Journal. He is the avatar of the world of himself.

If you have gone to any of these schools, or know, in your heart-of-hearts, that your life would be better if you had --- and you know it would be --- you must buy "Get Rich Cheating". Got it?

“Get Rich Cheating” is jaundiced, dark and snarky and those are its good points; the kind of writing that Keith Olberman aims for yet can never hope to achieve. In the God-is-Dead tradition of Nietzsche, Kreisler is superman.

My advice: screw the Xanax, just read, nay, just buy "Get Rich Cheating."

For more info: Check out my other posts at Miami Comedy Examiner, Have something to say, let me know at

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I Totally REFUDIATE Oba-Marxim

Just wanted to go on record, making it clear that the Left is not going to "Dan Quayle" Sara Palin. Aren't there 57 states anyway?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Bombshell Inspector General's Report on Dealership Closures

HT: HotAir. From the report (page 31):

" a time when the country was experiencing the worst economic downturn in generations and the Government was asking its taxpayers to support a $787 billion stimulus package designed to preserve jobs, Treasury made a series of decision that may have substantially contributed to the accelerated shuttering of thousands of small businesses and thereby potentially adding tens of thousands of workers to the already lengthy unemployment rolls — all based on a theory and without sufficient consideration of the decisions’ broader economic impact."

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Obama Channels Captain Queeg: Enemies at Every Turn

"Ah, but the strawberries! That's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! And I'd have produced that key if they hadn't pulled Caine out of action! I-I-I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer and!......

Such was the riveting climax of the court martial scene which sunk the paranoid Captain and freed Lieutenant Steve Maryk from charges of mutiny.

President Obama seems to be having his own Captain Queeg moment, or rather a Queeg-like paranoia. Yesterday, he visited Racine, Wisconsin home to 14% unemployment 19 months into his presidency.

Yet, just like the like incompetent paranoid in The Caine Mutiny, he continues to blame the Republicans for his failure. A party which holds super MINORITIES in both houses of Congress and are impotent to stop any of his initiatives.

Yesterday he said: “I just want everyone to remember — we’ve tried the other side’s theories,”

Well, Mr. President, now we've tried your neo-Keynsian theories and found them wanting.

Your performance as FDR II is an enormous failure. Your presidency has ushered in a new normal of 10-plus percent unemployment as far as the eye can see. You've created an environment where, in the Vice President's words: "we will never make up the 8 million jobs lost." And where the Treasury Secretary told the world: don't look to the US for economic leadership, telling the BBC that the world "cannot depend as much on the US as it has in the past."

Yeah, well maybe that's because the USA's citizens can't depend on it's government to support free markets, resource development and growth anymore.

It's Obama's economy, he owns it lock-stock and smokeless barrel.

The man has FAILURE written all over him.